Fletch Script - Dialogue Transcript Voila! Finally, the Fletch script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Chevy Chase movie. Business has really picked up. Is it a Colombian national holiday?
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Donnie and Marie? Come on, say yes. As you know, Jesus was in favor of it --" Fletch whistles and switches the radio off. He turns the car off the interstate. Fletch pauses again to listen, flummoxed over what he has just heard. I guess I was misinformed.
When are you available? How about first thing in the AM? See you tomorrow. Fletch hangs up, very interested. A lighted sign in the yard indicate that this is indeed Swarthout Realty, but the house is dark; no one appears to be home. Somewhere in the yard a dog barks viciously, frantically. He rings the bell. The dog yowls even louder. Fletch waits. And waits. He rings again.
Satisfied that no one is home, he tries the front door. Of course, it is locked. He takes out a credit card, starts to jimmy the lock, and actually seems to be making progress when his credit card snaps in half.
He pockets the broken credit card, steps back and looks over the house for another possible point of entry. Slightly warped, so that the upper half does not exactly true with the lower half. Climb up the side of the chain link fence which separates him from the murderous dog.
Fletch approaches it warily. The dog is practically foaming. Fletch reaches out a hand to get a hold of the fence, and the dog just about rips the fence apart. This has no effect, so Fletch backs up a few yards, take a deep breath for courage and makes a headlong running start for the fence, using his momentum to get to the top before the dog eats him. He grabs hold and scrambles wildly for the top. He makes it. Play dead. Good boy. Fletch now grabs hold of the eave on the side of the house, and very carefully pulls himself onto it.
He sighs. He shakes his head. He smashes the window with his elbow. He climbs into the darkened house, leaving the enraged dog to run furiously around the fenced in yard that surrounds the house. From outside, he can still hear the dog snarling and barking.
The dog is now outside the den window. He goes to the file cabinet and opens it. He flips through the "S" section. He pulls it. A copy of a deed. He pulls it out. So much for your three million dollar ranch. Then he props the deed up on top of the file cabinet, and moves a lamp into position to light it. Just as he snaps his first shot, we hear a terrible crashing sound. Fletch dashes for the nearest door, and runs through it just as the dog slams into it.
KITCHEN Fletch is now holed up in the kitchen, panting to catch his breath, feeling the full course of adrenaline pumping through his terrified veins. He sees that he can get to his car by climbing through the window. But in order to get to the window he has to let go of the door, and that would allow the dog to get in.
Looking around frantically, holding the door shut against the furious slamming of the dog, he reaches for and finally grabs a mop which he props under the door knob, thus keeping the door shut. Letting go of the door gingerly, he satisfies himself that the dog cannot get in, and he makes his break for the window.
Fletch knows he has only seconds. Standing on top of the counter, he opens the door of the restaurant-sized refrigerator next to him, and just as the snarling dog bursts into the room Fletch starts hurling food at it. A pot roast, sliced turkey with stuffing, a couple of filet mignons. The dog is momentarily distracted.
Fletch pours a large bucket of cranberry sauce on the dog. Then he dumps an equally large bucket of mashed potatoes. With the dog temporarily vision-impaired, Fletch bolts. The dog -- having shaken off the people-food from his hateful face -- is seconds behind and closing.
Fletch makes it to his car, hops inside, and slams the door just as the dog leaps furiously at the windshield. The dog jumps across the closed window, snarling and bug-eyed with hatred. Fletch smiles, waves at the dog, and starts taking its picture with his little camera.
There you go Fletch is ready to pull out, but the dog is still leaping madly at the window. Fletch points back to the house. Defenseless babies! The dog turns to look and Fletch guns it. He is unshaven and looks beat. Two huge Cops are over him, one holding a gun to his head, the other going through his clothes.
COP 1 Funny boy. Look at this He produces a heroin bag. COP 2 Looks like heroin, Gene. Cop 1 kicks Fletch in the ribs. COP 1 Okay. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to be kicked in the face by me.
You have the rights to have your balls stomped. COP 1 No booking. Chief wants a talk with the boy. Nice man. Chief Cummings, looking like a modern executive, looks up from his paperwork. COP 1 Here he is Chief. They roughly throw Fletch into a chair. The Chief -- seemingly oblivious to this brutality -- smiles sincerely. To Fletch friendly Be with you in just a second. The two Cops leave. As Chief Cummings continues with his paperwork Fletch looks around the office, which is decorated tastefully -- no guns on the wall, no American flags.
On one wall there is a Matisse, and on another, various photos of the Chief with local celebrities. Chief of Police help you? And what do you do for a living, Mr. Cummings just stares at Fletch. Probaly explains the curious feeling of love I have for you. Is that what you want Jane Doe? Fletch falls to the floor. Cummings picks Fletch up, and holds him by the lapels. That makes my job harder.
The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)
Fletch needed an actor more interested in playing the character than in playing himself. Fletch was the first one with me really winging it. Even though there was a script, the director allowed me to just go, and in many ways, I was directing the comedy. The film is presented in 1. A follow-up to Fletch Lives had been discussed in the s at Universal Studios.
Fletch Quotes: 30 Of The Funniest Quotes From The Movie Fletch
Donnie and Marie? Come on, say yes. As you know, Jesus was in favor of it --" Fletch whistles and switches the radio off. He turns the car off the interstate.